Role of the Divorce Mediator
The Mediation Process
As the mediator, there a number of things going on in my head and on a number of levels. I am trying to assess the participants and the dynamics. I look at body language, tone of voice and their general demeanor at the mediation. It is my job to determine if there is a power imbalance and if so to address it. It is also my job to make sure that each party has the same basic level of understanding and knowledge. If not, I suggest ways that this can happen. Sometimes I suggest experts or outside people that one of the participants can consult to get up to speed.
On another level, I am always assessing my neutrality. If I suggest that one party consult with an outside expert, will that be seen by the other party as favoring that party? Almost anything I do can be taken as biased. In fact, I often tell the couple that I will inevitably be biased. It is unrealistic to think I would not be. What I ask them to do is to inform me if at any time they feel that I am not being neutral.
On another level, I am simply a traffic cop. I need to keep the participants focused and on task. It is my job to redirect the conversation when things get out of hand or become too tangential. At various times, I check in with the couple to make sure that they are comfortable with what is happening in the mediation.
On yet another level I am a problem solver. Ideally, the resolution of disputes and ideas for resolution will come from the parties. There are times however, when I will make some suggestions for possible scenarios for outcomes. Once again, whenever I make suggestions I always have to be careful and make sure that the parties understand that I am not pushing a particular agenda or resolution. This would undoubtedly affect the appearance of my neutrality. There are times however when I see parties struggling to find a solution and I have one in mind because of experience in dealing with a similar situation in the past. In that situation, I will make a suggestion of one more option to consider.
Wrapping up the Mediation Process
Once the parties have reached an agreement, if the parties are not using attorneys, I send the clients a packet which includes all the court forms and financial documents they will need to file with the court and very specific instructions about the court process and how to file the divorce. I will meet with clients for one final meeting in which we review the court papers, instructions for filing and appearing in court, review financial statements to make sure they are accurate and prepared properly.
I review the agreement to make sure both parties fully understand and agree to the provisions and I give clients instructions about signing the agreement and filing the paperwork with the appropriate court. I cannot notarize the agreement for my clients.